A wonderful, brave woman named Mara contacted me recently, sharing her blog postings, hoping for a little feedback. This is a snip-bit of one of her entries...
UngenderedWe’re stuck on nails? This is not make or break a childhood material. It simply is not. It’s a personal choice and pretty inconsequential at that.... Read the rest here.
This is my reply to her:
I am crying. This post is the most beautiful and sincere post I have ever read on this subject.
"I think I am raising a new kind of man." Mara. Beautiful.
I have a fierce fire in me, supporting every single word that you wrote here. What a smart, smart woman you are. Stand proud. Very proud. You are speaking truth and you are 100% correct in your parenting, leading with the love for your child. You don't lead with societal ideology, allowing it to dictate how you interact or care for your brilliantly creative child.
The way you explained your son, I had so many similar thoughts, feelings, inspirations inside of me as a little boy. I was lucky that my mother understood that gender confinement was cruel. My mother allowed me to play with dolls because it was what my instinct was telling me to do. It allowed me to learn very well developed social skills incredibly early. --Which, in turn, helped me to cope with the bullies of childhood, and now in adulthood. Dresses, pants, pink or blue. It is all natural to children. Which, by the way, blue was originally the color for girls, reflective of the sky and total purity. --That is why most traditional wedding dresses used to be blue as well. Almost never white. Pink used to be the color for boys, being that it was a lighter shade of the aggressive red color. ...It is all so ridiculous, and if we just take a step back, we can see that something so silly holds no real humane value. And yet, it often controls otherwise intelligent adults.
I have passionately studied human behavior, and learned a lot about how the human brain actively learns. I will end with this fact:
Babies naturally love those who care for them. They don't care about the color of skin or clothing, they don't care about the gender or the sexual orientation of the person caring for them. They just care that they are embraced and nurtured, allowed to safely explore their instincts and curiosities. That is not wrong. It is human.
Sending Love to you and your entire family,
Dr Franky Dolan