Friday, January 25, 2013

Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am....

Today, I start my new blog.

I decided to start with this video because it really shows an enormous pivotal point in my life. This video was NOT easy to put out into the world. But I had to do it. I have been dealing with serious health problems for more than half of my life now. (Wow, that always somehow shocks me whenever I say that!) I was diagnosed with so many different labels, yet nothing ever actually helped me to get better. My symptoms have fluctuated astronomically throughout the years. One year I would be singing and dancing for thousands of people, then the next year I would be bedridden and wheelchair-bound with crippling pain, along with mind-bending cognitive impairments. I have pushed so damn hard to get through everything, but especially school. I had to drop out of high school originally due to my health severity, but I eventually went back to school through weekend courses, night classes and distance learning. There I was, lying in bed all day, begging life to let me still feel like I was connected, and productive. And you know what? I did it. ...I ate like a healthy-hippy-vitman-guru and I meditated like the gay Ghandi -Oprah love child that I always wanted to be. I got better.

Well, better enough to scrape by and make a little more of my life. I nannied to make enough money to eat and pay a little rent and I finished my college studies through an amazing school for Theology; which was completed in England at Oxford University. Wow, it was all so amazing. And I was unimaginably grateful for it all. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely still very ill. I hid in bathrooms in the middle of dinner parties, trying to rest without letting people see how sick I really was. I pulled over to sleep in cars when I drove more than half an hour or so. I constantly talked to all that is holy, asking for me to stay alert enough to keep from passing out. I did every single possible thing I could do to try and live a 'normal' life. Yet, I never ever wanted to be average. Oh God, no. No, no. I had a calling, and I was determined to make my dreams manifest. I was ready to face anything and everything that came my way, head on. I was not giving up! But again, as diseases often do, my illness knocked me down once more. And once again, I wasn't giving up without a fight. So here I am! I am still bursting with passion, for myself and for the other survivors on this big beautiful planet. I realized that if I could no longer interact with people face-to-face, that I had better start connecting any way that I possibly can. So, I connect through art, storytelling, and of course, my spirit.

Oh, by the way, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And then Fibromyalgia. Then POTS. Then Lyme Disease. ...Now I live my life knowing that medical doctors have very little knowledge about how to improve my condition. --Or even what the hell to call it! I am on my own. ...But, then, I am not alone at all. This is my very unique, unprecedented, unbelievable journey through this life. Real. Mine. My life, my way in health and illness. I have to survive this... So, in this blog, you are my best friend. Thats right. I am going to talk and emote to you fellow dreamers and survivors just as I would with my closest friends. Hopes, dreams, typos, cuss words, jokes, laughs, seriousness, spiritual experiences, all of it. ~ Me.

One thing is most indubitably sure; as long as we keep helping each other through the storm, then nobody, and I mean nobody-- is going to rain on my parade!

Sending Love to you all ~

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